For Valentine's Day, Fabian cooked a delicious dinner with recipes from Jamie Oliver. We devoured rosemary sole wrapped in fine bacon, minted peas, ginger broccoli, and the BEST avocado+ salad I've had in my life. After we finished feasting, he agreed to let me interview him about Love in Switzerland....
Is "Ich han dich gern" the Swiss equivalent to saying “I love you”?
Yes, it’s the equivalent but the direct translation is “I like you a lot”. Everything here is way toned down. When I grew up, I never heard parents say “Ich han dich gern” to a kid. The first time I heard parents tell their kids they love them was in the US.
What about “Ich liebe dich”?
That’s German, Hochdeutsch. I heard it a lot in German movies, but in daily life, I know Germans give compliments sparingly and also say “I love you” sparingly. They want to reserve it for when they really mean it. This is similar to how the Swiss are. Now I hear parents saying “Ich han dich gern” and I think that’s the influence of the Anglo Saxon world, the influence of other cultures, other habits.
There is the Swiss German word “Liebi” which means Love. The phrase “Liebi mache” means to make love.
How do you express love and affection in Switzerland?
The main difference between the US and Switzerland is that Americans say “I love you” in public a lot, even among friends, even among guys (“I love you man”). This is not common here. However, with couples, I don’t see any other difference than saying or not saying the phrase “I love you”.
So do couples say “Ich han dich gern” a lot?
No, not in public. I don’t know about in private. What’s very common is the use of nicknames: Schatzli, Schatz, Müsli, Hasli, which is the same as Darling, Honey, Bunny, etc.
Do you verbally express more affection now, after having lived in the US for 6 years?
Sure. I’m not cheap with compliments anymore. The Swiss and Germans are very sparse with compliments. This is the stereotype. Typically, “Nicht schlecht” ("Not bad") is traditionally a high compliment. Americans are the best sincere compliment makers vs. just flattering. The Swiss typically mistrust these compliments. They don’t think it’s sincere and they cannot imagine that Americans sincerely mean it. I think giving a lot of compliments is great. It’s not a scarce resource. This is something I deeply appreciate about American culture.
Other cultures seem like they have mastered the protocol of flattery. Americans are very spontaneous about giving a compliment. The Swiss typically mistrust this.
I can only speak for Zürich, but how people interact here has changed in the past 20 years. Every 3rd person here has a foreign passport.
When I moved to the US, an early version of "Values Americans Live By" by L. Robert Kohls, helped me become aware of how to look at American values without going into the typical Swiss stereotypes about Americans (shallowness, too happy, too self-confident, too positive). I wish he could describe the German or Swiss cultures. I’m sure he would do a great job.
What about the stereotypes about the Swiss?
There are different perceptions about the Swiss. Some say the Swiss are really friendly, but hard to open up. They don’t offer personal things on a silver plate. They are very happy but you need to dig a bit.
Why do so many Swiss marry foreigners?
This should be the topic of another entry.
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What other questions do you, my dear readers, wish I had asked Fabian? What experiences have you had with... "I love you"!
